A quick tour through the headlines, and what they actually mean...
Fox News...
Police Chiefs, Sheriffs blast ICE over policy they say frees violent illegal immigrants
Which means...we are really, really sorry that we offended Donald Trump with questions regarding his unrepentant sexism. We will do whatever we can to keep coasting his celebrity for profit and fame.
CBC News...(Note - cannot comment on Canadian political reporting...)
Internet sees Vladimir Putin's face in flock of birds over New York City
Which means...it is summer time at the CBC, and we are all on holidays.
New York Times...
To many in Crimea, corruption seems no less at home under Russian rule
Which means...we think the Government of Ukraine is as bad as the government of Vladimir Putin, and can't understand why Americans care about Crimea.
The National Post...
"I think I made my point", Montreal mayor Coderre takes a jackhammer to Canada Post community mailbox base
Which means...we think our average reader is about 80 years old.
The Globe and Mail...
Montreal mayor's destruction of Canada Post property might be illegal
Which means...we think the average age of our readers is about 30 years old.
Ottawa Sun...
ISIS executions show a progression of depravity
Which means...we think you all need to be afraid all the time.
Wall Street Journal...
Bush tried to turn up the heat in Iowa
Which means...we need to keep supporting the wealthy oligarchs who run our country.
Al Jazeera...
Evacuations as chemical fears grow at China blast site
Which means...we like reporting actual news.
BBC...
China orders evacuation of blast area
Which means...so do we.
Epoch Times...
China Blast Zone Evacuated Over Chemical Contamination Fears
Which means...so do we...especially if we can blame the Commies in China for nasty stuff.
The Onion...
Poll: 89% of Americans believe Obama has failed to bring America Closer to Celestial Utopia of Endless Pleasure
Which means...expectations of what Obama would be able to do as President of the USA were too high.
Russia Today (Now RT)...
Questions remain over Assad's motivation over alleged chemical attacks
Which means...the journalists for this new agency went to the TASS School of Propaganda and Selective Reality and are members of the Cult of the New Homo Sovieticus
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