I have been thinking of doing THIS THING since the start of COVID-19 pandemic.
What is THIS THING that I want to do?
I want to track how utterly incompetent IT actually is. How often it actually fails. How utterly idiotic are many of its security requirements. How many of the "cures" for IT issues are comparable "chicken noodle soup" remedies passed on by our grandmothers. How it masquerades as the essential connector and facilitator of the 21st century, but how it is really still in the stone age.
When you think of IT, do not think of the Bethesda Medical Institute. Think of witch doctors prescribing bleeding by leech, or a range of herbal remedies for things like cancer or broken bones.
They don't want you to know this...
IT is in the Middle Ages when it comes to the technology. This fact is camouflaged behind the knowledge that we, the users, don't understand the technology. If we did, we would stand back aghast at the idiocy and incompetence set out before us.
Let's start...you will see a daily log of IT issues below.
September 19, 2024.
Issue #1: I work in a secure building, on a secure laptop, using secure internet supplied to service the same secure building. I arrived at work, and tried to log into the secure internet system using the secure laptop. I provided my two different passwords, via two different access portals. The passwords were accepted. Then I got this message, which is a message I get about half the time I try to log in...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Why was my access denied? The notice doesn't explain. When you call IT services, what do you think they say? Well, I think we all know what they say, now don't we...
"Have you tried shutting your computer off and starting again?"
Translation...
"Have you tried wormwood root for your tummy ache, or maybe a lavender enema?"
Reality - they don't know what is wrong. They have no clue.
Emperor IT is walking down the road. Have you noticed that he is naked?
Issue #2: I was just asked to approve something in the internal IT system where I work. To do that, you need to log in via the Internet. The internal site will not function on Microsoft Edge. It will only work on Google.
The place I work has hundreds of thousands of employees, and a budget of hundreds of billions of dollars. And yet, it's internal approvals system does not work on one of the world's top internet service platforms.
You can't make this shit up.
September 20, 2024.
In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.
September 22, 2024.
In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.
September 23, 2024.
I met someone for lunch at a restaurant. My cellphone simply stopped working - no access to the Internet. I did not change any of the Settings.
I shut it off and started it again. That didn't work. Some time later, it just accessed the Internet again, also for no apparent reason.
I have no idea why it stopped. I have no idea why it started again. We met for lunch in the middle of a medium sized Western city, so access to the Internet was not the issue.
What if automobiles operated like this - sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. Would we then realize how desperately incompetent the auto industry would have to be to build such occasionally useless crap?
September 24, 2024.
I uploaded a Word document this morning.
I have received at least fifteen "Upload failed" notifications, even though I successfully uploaded the document.
I have also received about fifteen notifications telling me to save the document that the computer says I didn't upload!
These notifications reduced my productivity by about 10%, as I had to stop working to deal with the notifications, one after the other.
I had no idea how to stop the notifications, which were coming at regular intervals.
"The new definition of 'insanity' is responding to the same IT notifications over and over again, expecting that they will somehow miraculously end. They won't end.”
September 25, 2024.
Issue #1: I uploaded a Microsoft Presentation. I started working on it, and wanted to save it to my computer as a draft and rename it. I could not save it unless I first uploaded it to the Microsoft Cloud. The only way to rename it was to send it to myself and save it from the email.
Why? Why not let me just "save as" and create a different presentation? Who is in charge of this presentation, me or Microsoft?
I found a way, but this was irritating and a total waste of my time.
Issue #2: I was on a Teams meting and had to leave early. I looked for the "Chat" button so that I could inform the group of my intention to leave. There was no "Chat" button. I had to interrupt the speaker to advise that I was going to depart.
Where as the button? Was I using an older version of Teams? I don't know. I tested Teams this morning; there is a Chat button again.
Imagine that you owned a car that had windows that rolled down or not depending on who knows what!? One day the window rolls down, the next day it doesn't. Would you buy that car? This "optional functionality" is 100% normal in the world of IT.
September 26, 2024.
In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.
Note that I did log in successfully yesterday, when outside of the secure building using a non-secure internet.
Yup...Yup.
October 1, 2024.
In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.
October 3, 2024.
I went for a walk and had to go to the bathroom at some point. I stopped in at a local donut shop, and sat to do my business. I put my cell phone in my pocket, and was surprised to hear my good buddie chatting with me in my pocket. I pulled the phone out only to see him looking at me in a video call.
It turns out that I had pocket called five people when I put the phone in my pocket. The screen is so sensitive that literally any slight touch sets the apps off and running. You have to work hard for your phone to keep this shit from happening.
October 4, 2024.
Issue #1: In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.
Issue #2: I took a day off yesterday, so I did not log in.
Oh oh!
I just got partially into the grid - see Issue #1. The file saving system is booting up every minute asking me to save files that are not opened and that I did not work on. When I close that screen, a second screen comes up saying "Upload failed". I have not tried to upload anything as yet.
October 7, 2024.
I tried to access two web sites today based on emails sent to me by the institutions that own and operate the web sites. The log in request asked for my email address. Both said that they did not recognize my email address - the very same email address to which they had sent the requests.
Is IT really this fucking stupid?
Yes.
I still haven't been able to log in.
October 8, 2024.
In secure building, on secure laptop, trying to log into secure internet, both passwords accepted, after restarting my computer, made two attempts...
"Login denied. You have hit the DlftAccessPolicy - Connection terminated."
Yup.